“I first met Lacey when I worked at a substance abuse rehabilitation facility. She has admitted since that she didn’t like me at first and is now one of my best friends. I turn to her for any problem I have or any advice I need for emotional support. She understands people and knows how to listen and look at a situation from all sides. She taught me how to be honest with both myself and in my relationships. I am much healthier person on the inside because of this one woman. I hope to one day emulate her as a mother. Her 2 children, Brooklyn and Vanesa, are also two of my best kiddos. Once, Vanesa dressed up as me for Halloween and I have never been more flattered. Her husband Pete is so supportive. I love this whole family, but for now, meet Lacey.” – Whitney

You are an emotionally healthy person and work with people to help them become that way. How do you do that?
First off, I’m not really emotionally healthy….but I can usually pull it off so people think I am. I have worked hard and gotten a lot of help so that at least I am relatively stable today. I’ve done a lot of therapy and Step Work and praying and crying and journaling. I think I just take what I’ve learned through all that and share it with the people I work with. I recognize the good in them and I try to help them see that too. I let them know that it’s ok to be human.

You have two beautiful kids that you have a great relationship with. Tell us about raising kids.
First of all, I have an amazing husband who is my best friend and I am SO grateful that we get to raise our girls together. Now, raising kids is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I love them more than anything and it’s totally worth it. When my kids were younger, we decided we weren’t going to spank them anymore. That was a difficult adjustment, but I think it helped them trust us more. I just wasn’t ok with, “Don’t hit your sister!” And then we spank them as a consequence. So we let them decide ahead of time what their consequences were going to be and that empowered them and made them more willing to go to their rooms when they knew they had earned it. (The consequence for everything is “Go to your room.”)
I love spending 1 on 1 time with each of my kids. It helps us be closer and tells them that they are important. I ask them every day, “How was school?” “What was the best part of your day?” I sing to them almost every night before they go to sleep. I have the coolest kids ever and I’m SO grateful I get to be their mom!

You have such a great sense of self and integrity. How have you made such an identity for yourself?
Ever since I was 13 or 14 years old, I knew exactly what I wanted in life. I wanted to be a cop and get married in the temple. I always knew I wanted to go to college too. When I was a senior in high school, I took an AP psychology class and fell in love with it. I decided I was going to major in Psychology and minor in Spanish. Cuz if I knew Spanish, I could be a better cop and communicate with more people. My plan was to become a cop, work for a few years, get married and have kids and stay at home with them. Then I’d go back to work as a police officer and I’d get shot and die young…around age 45. I know, great plan, right? So I went to college and after my freshman year, I realized that I couldn’t be a cop and a mom at the same time. I didn’t want to anyway. So I decided that I wanted to be a Juvenile Probation Officer. I got married the summer after my sophomore year, still finished college with a major in Psychology and minor in Spanish and, on a whim, I got a part time job at Horizon House. When we decided to have kids, I didn’t want to work, but I realized I could still work part time and be a stay at home mom. It helped me stay sane. And that’s where I am today. Husband, kids, part time job – and I love it….most days. In answer to your question, I always had a plan and although it changed, I still had some direction.

Is being honest something you had to learn or have you always been an honest person?
I’ve always been honest. Mostly. Of course I’d lie, cheat and steal, occasionally, but for the most part, I am a very honest person. One time in high school, someone accused me of lying and I remember my dad said, “You are one of the most honest people I know.” I think that helped me to identify myself as being honest and I strive for that.

Giving is one of your greatest qualities. Can you tell us about the importance of giving in your life?
I think this question must have been for someone else. I am not a giving person.

You always let your children be themselves. Why is this important?
I didn’t have much as a child and we were really poor and I didn’t have the opportunity to participate in sports or other extracurricular activities. Now I want my children to have that opportunity and sometimes it’s hard to let them do what they want because I do NOT like dancing, esp. ballet! And I don’t know anything about gymnastics. It would be way more entertaining for me to watch them play basketball or soccer, but neither of them are interested in that. I let them do what they want because it’s for them, not for me. I also have a hard time with Brooklyn spending so much time at gymnastics because I want to spend time with her, but I know that makes her happy and she LOVES it. So I try to be unselfish and let her be her own person. I’ve always let them wear whatever they wanted to school and I let them do their own hair if they want to, even though sometimes it is NOT cute. But I’ll tell them that if they wear certain things, other kids might make fun of them because I at least want them to be aware that that might happen. Usually Vanesa still chooses to wear things that don’t match or snow boots in the summer, or goggles to walmart. But she owns it and I love it! It’s important because I want my kids to be themselves. I don’t need them to look good or be a certain way in order for me to love them or in order for me to be ok.

Do you believe people are innately good? 
Yes. I believe people are innately selfish and self-centered too. But I believe that what we focus on expands. So I try to focus on the good in people and then I don’t notice the negative so much. If I still notice it and it’s bothersome, then I can address it. But if I choose to focus on the negative, then that’s what I will see.

Give us one piece of advice.
When I got married, someone gave me the advice to never go to bed mad. I tried that for a long time and I finally realized that that usually made things worse. Staying up late and continuing to fight with my husband doesn’t work for me because I get irrational when I’m tired. So my advice is: It’s ok to go to bed mad.